Dear Santa,
This is Molly. Yes, the one in the little red house. Last year you left me a little present. Well, little when I woke up. Now it's some food-hungry one year old and your late on child support. AGAIN! Now, lets not live in the past and leave the child support payment next to the table. I left you some condoms and milk.
Your Baby Mama, Molly.

PS. Don't be afraid to slip into the chimney this year. Just use the condoms. Mrs. Claus will never have to know.