My Advertisement (help) - Webmaster Forum - Web Design, Programming and SEO forums

10-09-2005, 08:06 AM

Evil Jokar

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My Advertisement (help)

Alright first off this thread isn't meant to promote my site, it's to get help on the advertisement that I use. I would really appreciate it if you guys could tell me some things I should add/remove from it to make it better. Thanks. Here it is:

Hello my name is Monroe Smith and I am a sales agent for a web design company called Loudon Studios. We are a company that offers many services for affordable, competitive prices that will suit just about everyone's budget. If it doesn't, then we are willing to work with you to negotiate a price that is right for you.

Despite our hard work and concentration, we work fast and efficiently. At Loudon Studios, you are treated with the utmost respect and we are never satisfied until you are. To make sure you receive exactly what you want, we work with our clients every step of the way, showing you every page for approval. Our work is professional and top-notch, and it will please not only you, but everyone who visits your website.

If you are interested please feel free to email me at msmith@loudon-studios.com.

To see any of our previous work, please visit these sites:
http://phoenixq.deviantart.com/gallery/
http://loudon-studios.com/portfolio.htm

Kind regards,
Monroe Smith
http://www.loudon-studios.com

10-09-2005, 10:03 AM

DateinaDash

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Hi there,

It's not bad but there are a few things I would ammend...

Firstly I wouldn't dive straight in with "Hello my name is..." if you use this then at least place it on the first line. I would probably use "Dear Sir/Madam" or something more formal...but that's just me

Despite our hard work and concentration, we work fast and efficiently

Not really happy with this line, I would just keep it "We work fast and efficiently" and scrap the concentration part.

I wouldn't link to a portfolio on deviantart.com either, looks amatuer.

10-09-2005, 01:06 PM

AlexK

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"services <b>for</b> affordable, competitive prices"

I think the "for" should be "at".
I am not sure though

Nice, I like it

10-14-2005, 04:28 PM

Darkz

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Surf is a good palce to try ads, since you can get free credit from many site

10-16-2005, 02:58 PM

ypson

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If may I say, it doesn't stand out, try to see how many ads sounds like that

"We are a company that offers many services for affordable, competitive prices that will suit just about everyone's budget."
"Despite our hard work and concentration, we work fast and efficiently."
"Our work is professional and top-notch"

Try to think that your prospect has been already exposed to many of such ads so you have to come up with something that will make him say "hey, this is different, let's see if I can use their services".