Girl troubles :S

Hi, ive been chattin to a m8 for a while now, I finaly told her how I felt towards her, but recently I got this email. Im sor of hurt by this email, but also quite pleased, please tell me what you think, I realy dont think that shes fat

Oh and by big brother, its just a weird thing we do cos im so nice, she thinks as me as a brother lol - no weird incest goin on here :s

Hi aaron (my big brother)
I think we need to talk about "you & me". You are a great friend and like a soul mate to me but im worried if we do end up "together" afterwards we won't be the same and react the same towards each other after we stop being "together" (hope it makes sense)..
You have a unique and cool personality and we kind of CLICK! But I'm not ready for that type of commitment and i dont want to hurt you or our relationship AS FRIENDS.
I am really upset about me saying this by email but i am just worried about us because when you told me, i felt awkward talking to you. Normally as i am a upfront person i would carry on as if nothing happened or secretly flirt with them as a joke but for some reason i just cant do that to you. Maybe i like you inside or maybe i dont want to break friends with you, i am not sure but i do know that i dont want to hurt you. You can actually do alot better than me! I'm ugly and bitchy (not towards you) and i AM fat no matter what you say. It makes me sick to look at myself in the mirror each and everyday that i wake up. I am not the type to get jealous but Nicole & Linzi are alot better looking. You are one of the reasons i wake up every morning. ( You and your drawings ).
It's really hard to say to you all of this but i think its needed. I'm sat alone in my house now and it is really upsetting me. Maybe we could sort something out but NOT by Msn or phone but by face-to-face and so far that seems impossible as everytime i see you, you are playing basketball with Matty, at the shops or going home on your bike. At the moment, i am really confused about everything.
Richy (this lad) called my friend Marie a chink and i told her, then i got accused by richy's sister Heidi that i **** stirred and i have been threatened to be batted by her tomorrow on my birthday or i will end up getting jumped for trying to tell my friend how racist richy had been towards her. My birthday is tomorrow and i just cant be arsed. Everyday i cant be arsed. When you see me, its just like a mask covering up what i feel inside but i cant explain what i feel like as it comes from my heart and its impossible to write in an email how it feels. Everyday i press a razor to my wrist but i dont have the courage to cut it. I wrote this to try let you see what its like inside my head.

Hope you dont take offence by this email and like i said, Who knows what happens but at this time in my life, im not ready for a full commitment with a nice guy as normally i date losers but you are not a loser to me.

Lots of Love Tasha .</3.